ABBY is 28 days

Today Abby is 28 wks old.  She survived her first month in the NICU.  Yesterday, her weight was 1 pound 11.5 ozs.  She lost a little weight today at 1 pound 10.8 oz.  The Dr's think she may have the begininng of an infection brewing, so they started  her on antibiotics.  She is tolerating her feeding a little better but they had they had to decrease the amount a little because of her abdominal distention.  She got her first enema yesterday to possibly help remove some of what may be causing her distention.  So far, they do not think she has necrtotizing entercolitis, which is a severe stomach infection that can affect preemies.  We pray she does not get that because it is a serious complication.  Her oxygen requirements are a little less today too.  She is having episodes where she drops her heart rate and they have to stimulate her to get it back up.  I may get to hold her again tomorrow if everything goes well.  I want her to hear my heartbeat again and know that it beats for her and the rest of my family.  I got some not so good news from Abby's nurse yesterday which made me cry.  She walked away without saying a word or even offering a tissue.  Another baby's nurse comforted me.  This is also teaching me the importance of being compassionate and offering hope even when things aren't going so well.  When I return to work , I think it will make me a better nurse and even be able to put myself in my patients families shoes.  We, too are patients as well as our loved ones.  I had to make a list of things that i needed to get done and I found my self adding a reminder to breath.  They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  Chad and I are definitely gonna be a lot stronger from this situation. Despite multiple attempts, my  breast milk seems to be going away.  I even tried that nasty stuff called mothers milk with fenugreek herbs.  All it did was make me smell like strange pancakes.  She has enough to last awhile but we may have to rely on donor milk.  Breast milk decreases her chances of getting necrotizing entercolitis in her stomach by 70%  .   I will keep on trying for her.  Thanks for all the prayers from friends and family.  Please continue these for they seem to be helping a whole lot.